today is Easter Sunday. I went to church, sang in the choir, it sucked, but you know, it always does. I've come to terms with our choir director, but the organist, a Carnegie Mellon trained musician, well, she's just calling it in. there is no emotion, no passion, no nothing. where are we going. our pastor has a great feel for the theatrics of religion and how it moves a heart to God, but he has nothing to work with. it's not that she doesn't have it, it's just that she doesn't work it anymore. I could. but they don't need me.
I thought we'd take easter dinner to my mother in law who is skittish to drive to our house. it was all arranged. and now, stepdaughter is lazy and does not want to bother and I'm so angry I can't speak or type or do anything at all. so I drank a lot of bourbon and I"m angrier still. who called her and said , sorry, I can't be bothered to keep the arrangements I made with you to make you feel loved. I guess I don't love you enough to get out of bed and make food to take to you to make you feel like family for Easter. I just can't be bothered. I couldn't do that.
