Disgruntled

So disgruntled. People just pick up and go. They have cars, they have passports. They have money, and they just go. Me, trapped in this house. Me, trapped in my head. I just want out. But I don't know how to get out.

I want to go to Disney World. I want to go on a cruise. I want to go to Ireland, to Scotland. Hell, I want to go to California. I want to see my grandchildren in North Carolina. I want to meet my mother in Seattle. I can't even go to fucking Wal Mart. I hate being so isolated, but I also hate asking people for things, like charity. I beg my husband to take me somewhere, anywhere on his day off, but all he wants is to sit on the sofa and smoke pot. Since he is the only income in this household, I don't feel like I can insist. If he wants to sit around and get fucked up on his day off, why should he consider stuck me? And he doesn't. He's disgusting, the odd combinations of clothes he wears, his lack of personal hygiene, but yet he bought roses. He put my mom on the potty when I couldn't.  I don't know how to insist.